FORMAL LETTER OF INTRODUCTION
Dear Prof Brad,
I'm using this opportunity to formally introduce myself, my name is Neo Quan Sheng. I'm a year 1 mechanical engineering student, who is attending your critical thinking and communicating module.
I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic in 2020 with a diploma in mechatronics and moved on to national service for two years. After putting a considerable amount of time into thinking about the next step, I decided to enroll in the Singapore Institute of Technology's mechanical engineering. I found it interesting in the aerospace industry during my time at the polytechnic. However, my internship at ST Aerospace made me realize that it would be better for me to study something more generic.
I would consider myself to be an introvert, which coincides with my weakness, having poor communication, however, my time in national service has improved my communication skills, as I was place in many situations where I have to initiate conversations, which allowed me to improve my communication skills. However, I feel that there is still room for further improvements, through this module I would like to be better at presentation and writing. During the presentation, due to nervousness, my train of thought would often derail, and I would be monotonous throughout a presentation. In terms of writing, I need to refine my grammar and sentence structure, I realized that most of my writing has many grammatical mistakes after reading through it.
My main objective for this module is to improve my overall written and presentation skills. For the written aspect, I want to obtain the ability to write professionally, as it is crucial in the workplace to have the basic foundation of professional writing. As for the presentation aspect, I would like to work on my current weaknesses, being monotonous and battling my nervousness in the midst of the presentation.
After my experiences in life, I resonate deeply with this statement "good communication is the bridge between confusion and clarity." Having good communication is like holding a double-edged sword, it all depends on the wielder. Looking to refining and sharpening my sword in the upcoming classes.
Best regards,
Quan Sheng
The letter is clear and easy to understand, but there is a comma splice at the 3rd paragraph connecting 2 different sentences.
ReplyDeleteDear KunHui,
DeleteThank you for your feedback.
best regards,
Quan Sheng
Just have to be aware of some minor issues like incorrect verb form and the comma splice pointed out by Kun Hui. Otherwise the letter is well written, organized and on point.
ReplyDeleteDear Aun hao,
DeleteThank you for your feedback.
best regards,
Quan Sheng
Dear Quan Sheng,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this clear, concise and yet detailed letter. I appreciate the content that is aligned with the assignment brief, the fairly effective organization and the good language use. You've done a good job providing supporting information for most of the specific content areas, allowing us readers to gain a clearer understanding of who you are.
From the discussion of your comm skills weakness(es), it's easy to see that you have great motivation for the various aspects of our module in terms of writing and presenting. In that regard, let's focus on some areas in this letter that you can improve:
Sentence Structure
-- I'm using this opportunity to formally introduce myself, my name is Neo Quan Sheng. > (comma splice)
-- I would consider myself to be an introvert, which coincides with my weakness, having poor communication, however, my time in national service has improved my communication skills, as I was place in many situations where I have to initiate conversations, which allowed me to improve my communication skills. > (comma splice)
-- However, I feel that there is still room for further improvements, through this module I would like to be better at presentation and writing. > (comma splice)
-- Having good communication is like holding a double-edged sword, it all depends on the wielder. > ?
Verb tense inconsistency
-- ...my time in national service has improved my communication skills, as I was place in many situations where I have to initiate conversations, which allowed me to improve my communication skills. > (past versus present?)
In terms of communication strengths, those are apparent more in class as you offer comments and questions; in this letter you just allude to your experience but don't mention a strength directly.
I look forward to continuing participation in class and to reading more from you this term.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Prof Brad,
DeleteThank you for your feedback.
best regards,
Quan Sheng